Why can't I live my fantasy?

At this time, of year, I fantasise about lying on a hammock with a glass of wine. There's some crusty, just-baked bread dipped in olive oil on a table beside me. I have a great book in my hand, and more waiting where that one came from. I’ve just finished hanging a sign on the washing machine that says, ‘On holidays. Back in three weeks.’ No one is wanting anything from me. In fact, every now and then, someone (my dear husband perhaps) asks me if there's anything I'd like. I respond by saying that I need a foot massage. Of course, he quickly obliges.

I lie. It’s not just at this time of year that I have such a fantasy – this is my #1 Year-round Stock Standard Fantasy. The last time I spent a whole day reading was in the summer of 1984. If I could bottle that feeling, I would.

Part of being a responsible adult generally means that your weeks (months, years) are spent working hard to get a whole bunch of things done. Most of the reading I do these days is done late at night. Instead of a glass of wine, I have a mug of chamomile (winter) or a glass of water (summer) beside me. I’m usually quite tired, and I’m lucky if I get through a few chapters.

Why can’t I live my fantasy?

Reason #1: Parenting duties

Anyone who is a parent or knows a parent understands that parenting duties never stop. They start first thing in the morning (often with negotiations to get the teen out of bed in our case), and they don’t end until late at night (GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND INTO BED - NOW!). And there’s all the stuff in between (see ‘domestic duties’ below).

Reason #2: Domestic duties

I think if I crunched the numbers on how many loads of washing needed to be done, how many times the floors needed to be cleaned or how many meals needed to be cooked in a lifetime, I would want to lay down and never get up again. Enough said.

Reason #3: Paid work

Paid work is what I do to help pay off the mortgage, have enough money to outsource occasional foot massages, and hopefully, fill my life with some sort of purpose in addition to that which includes the words 'chores' and ‘Mum’. My paid work involves teaching and writing. My work is enjoyable and fulfilling most days. Part of me wants to say that I’m lucky – but I’ve worked hard to get to such a good place. Work is great, but it still takes up time. Lots of it.

While all of the above is happening, I am also trying to keep both myself and my family healthy – for me, this means eating well, being as active as we can, connecting meaningfully with each other and those in our circle, and getting enough time out to do the things that we love.

I often fantasise about having more time out, but I’ve come to the realise that I actually like working hard. The things I expend the most energy on also seem to reap the most rewards - if the family, home and creative space are in good order, I'm a happy woman.

The good thing is that working hard means I get to really enjoy the respite when it comes.

So, for the record, here’s what’s going to happen on Boxing Day.

I am going to spend a full day on the hammock, even it hurts my back.

I’m going to drink as much wine as I feel like, even if I regret it the next day.

I’m going to get through the first of the books in my summer reading pile. One. Delicious. Word. At. A. Time.

And maybe, just maybe, I'm going to ask for a foot massage. Honey, if you’re reading this, what are my chances?